He's giving me gray hairs already!

It has been an interesting few weeks (actually only one week) in my world. I have debated blogging about it, my mom says it will help to write it out. So here it goes. BTW... this has nothing at all to do with training and everything to do with pregnancy :-)

We have been seeing a perinatalogist (a special baby doctor) for about 10 weeks now because of my "advanced maternal age" (still makes me laugh!). Basically, we had the option of doing some better testing, it was covered by insurance so we jumped at the chance. When we went to that first appointment, I really thought that was the only time we would be there. Boy was I wrong!

I mentioned that I have had continual spotting from day 1 but that everything seemed fine and my OB wasn't concerned. What I soon learned was it is the job of a specialist to be concerned. He suggested that we come in every 3 weeks to make sure everything was ok. What the hell, why not!!?? It was more time to see the little one on an ultrasound. People pay big bucks for that!!

Fast forward to last weeks full anatomy check. Again, i expected to hear only good news and see great pictures. Therefore, I was completely blown away when he said my cervix was shortening and funneling (opening from the inside)! I was instructed to go on restricted activity for a week. This equals the least amount of standing & walking as possible. If I didn't follow the rules, then I have the potential to go on bed rest or worse. WOW!!! Again, stunned. I am only half way.

I was very upset last weekend. Obviously for the thought of delivering too early or loosing the baby but also for the 180 flip my life had taken over the course of one hour.

In an instant, I had essentially became "injured". I talked some to Izaac and Stef (who helped so much, thank you!!) but it took me awhile to come to terms. Isn't that selfish!? I would NEVER do anything to put the baby in harm but I was disgruntled at the thought of putting my life on hold. No shopping, no walking, no swimming, no biking, no cleaning, nothing!! For the rest of the pregnancy. I have to rely on others both at home & work to do so much more for me because I am confined to a chair**. I blame it on "advanced maternal" age!! I have lived 35 years of doing what I want, and now a little boy I have not seen yet and only weighs a pound is calling the shots :-). It won't be the last time, right!!?? I am also a pissed with my body. I want the perfect pregnancy that allows me to exercise up to the day I deliver. Not meant to be.

With that off my chest, I want to reassure you all that nothing is more important than delivering a healthy baby and even though I complain, I will do everything in my power to make that happen. I was a very good invalid this past week and it paid off today at the doctor's appointment.

I have not gotten worse!! Yippee!! What does that mean?? No bed rest yet and close monitoring and continual staying off me feet. I can do that! It also means, that Izaac and I have decided to pursue an option the doctor gave us. I am getting a cerclage put in. Sparing you the gory details, I go to the hospital Monday morning to "get stitched closed." Hopefully, this buys us the time we need to get to full term and keeps me off of bed rest so I can work. I will be on bed rest for 1-2 weeks after the procedure but that's ok.

Remember little one... I will do whatever it takes. I am selfish but not to the point that it would jeopardize you! I just might have a self pity party now & again.

Thanks for letting me vent and be glad I didn't do this last week, it would have been a world class pity party :-)

Good news: I am 20 weeks and 5 days along :-). Over half way.

** this has made me realize, once again, that I am so blessed to not be handicapped in some way. I am constantly amazed at the strong people that are!! They rock!