Friday, February 6, 2009

He's giving me gray hairs already!

It has been an interesting few weeks (actually only one week) in my world. I have debated blogging about it, my mom says it will help to write it out. So here it goes. BTW... this has nothing at all to do with training and everything to do with pregnancy :-)

We have been seeing a perinatalogist (a special baby doctor) for about 10 weeks now because of my "advanced maternal age" (still makes me laugh!). Basically, we had the option of doing some better testing, it was covered by insurance so we jumped at the chance. When we went to that first appointment, I really thought that was the only time we would be there. Boy was I wrong!

I mentioned that I have had continual spotting from day 1 but that everything seemed fine and my OB wasn't concerned. What I soon learned was it is the job of a specialist to be concerned. He suggested that we come in every 3 weeks to make sure everything was ok. What the hell, why not!!?? It was more time to see the little one on an ultrasound. People pay big bucks for that!!

Fast forward to last weeks full anatomy check. Again, i expected to hear only good news and see great pictures. Therefore, I was completely blown away when he said my cervix was shortening and funneling (opening from the inside)! I was instructed to go on restricted activity for a week. This equals the least amount of standing & walking as possible. If I didn't follow the rules, then I have the potential to go on bed rest or worse. WOW!!! Again, stunned. I am only half way.

I was very upset last weekend. Obviously for the thought of delivering too early or loosing the baby but also for the 180 flip my life had taken over the course of one hour.

In an instant, I had essentially became "injured". I talked some to Izaac and Stef (who helped so much, thank you!!) but it took me awhile to come to terms. Isn't that selfish!? I would NEVER do anything to put the baby in harm but I was disgruntled at the thought of putting my life on hold. No shopping, no walking, no swimming, no biking, no cleaning, nothing!! For the rest of the pregnancy. I have to rely on others both at home & work to do so much more for me because I am confined to a chair**. I blame it on "advanced maternal" age!! I have lived 35 years of doing what I want, and now a little boy I have not seen yet and only weighs a pound is calling the shots :-). It won't be the last time, right!!?? I am also a pissed with my body. I want the perfect pregnancy that allows me to exercise up to the day I deliver. Not meant to be.

With that off my chest, I want to reassure you all that nothing is more important than delivering a healthy baby and even though I complain, I will do everything in my power to make that happen. I was a very good invalid this past week and it paid off today at the doctor's appointment.

I have not gotten worse!! Yippee!! What does that mean?? No bed rest yet and close monitoring and continual staying off me feet. I can do that! It also means, that Izaac and I have decided to pursue an option the doctor gave us. I am getting a cerclage put in. Sparing you the gory details, I go to the hospital Monday morning to "get stitched closed." Hopefully, this buys us the time we need to get to full term and keeps me off of bed rest so I can work. I will be on bed rest for 1-2 weeks after the procedure but that's ok.

Remember little one... I will do whatever it takes. I am selfish but not to the point that it would jeopardize you! I just might have a self pity party now & again.

Thanks for letting me vent and be glad I didn't do this last week, it would have been a world class pity party :-)

Good news: I am 20 weeks and 5 days along :-). Over half way.

** this has made me realize, once again, that I am so blessed to not be handicapped in some way. I am constantly amazed at the strong people that are!! They rock!


SWTrigal said...

Oh Kelly honey-I so feel for you!! and to think over 35 is high risk just blows my mind..But good thing you are being checked so much afterall.It is so stressful being pregnant anyway and then to have added stress of this..Glad you are opting for the procedure-that sounds like the safe way.
Sending you and Isaac hugs and good energy for the coming weeks..

under my own steam said...

I'm sorry that it's more of a challenge (and more dangerous I suppose). But, it sounds like you are doing everything right. And, there's nothing wrong with being sad (sometimes more than others) that you didn't get to do it exactly the way you thought. I guess you can think work out thoughts even if you can't do them.

I'll be sending you good mojo chica.

Stef said...

So glad to see you writing about this! Vent all you want! You can handle this. It may not always be easy (but who's life is always easy -- noone I know) but you can do it.

SO glad you got the green light to stay off bed rest. Good luck with your procedure on Monday -- I will be thinking about you.


Formulaic said...

Vent away honey. We are all here for you.

You are doing the right thing. You are taking care of him and yourself.

Better get used to being bossed around! The boys are gonna even out the score!

Calyx Meredith said...

I will be thinking about you tomorrow too! So glad you told us what was going on. How frustrating - and scary - and a big bother - but worth it to do the best for the baby: and what a cocktail THAT is to mix all up inside of you!! Pregnancy is such an odd journey. You sound amazingly grounded and real. Lucky baby to have a mama like you!! Best vibes I can muster heading your way!

ShirleyPerly said...

First of all, this is your blog, so vent, vent, vent away!

Glad you have the option to have this procedure. My sister was ordered on bed rest about a month or two before she was due (she was 40) and even that was very hard for her to handle and tough too on her hubby. Hope all goes well for you from here on out.

RBR said...

As everyone has already said, vent away. That is exactly what it is 'venting'. Venting doesn't have to be rational, or even the whole story, it is a way of getting the crap feelings out.

We know that your baby boy's health and well being is foremost. Besides you have to save this stuff up to induce guilt in the little stinker later when he is making you crazy from outside your body! ;o)

Hang in there mommy!